Ralph Coates joined Spurs for £190,000.

"I heard the fee and said, 'Don't be stupid, no player is worth that. All I needed to do was agree personal terms with Bill Nicholson."

"It was the record straight cash deal at that time." Coates went on to met and iron out the details with the Spurs supremo at the Moat House Hotel near Stoke.

Beal is a real character. "I didn't realise how bad I was until people like Glenn Hoddle, Steve Perryman and Jimmy Neighbour told me. Steve said I used to crucify people and Glenn said he wouldn't even come into the dressing room because he knew he'd get so much stick."

These chaps are from a truly golden age from our history. And they are loaded with unique anecdotes and tales of Nicholson, MacKay, Gilzean and even Joe Kinnear I shouldn't wonder!

This is also a fund raiser for a local voluntary football club. So enjoy yourself and help someone out at the same time.

Give Paul Coates a bell to organise your tickets on 07876528886.

COYS!

Let me make my position perfectly clear. If Sol Campbell got hit by a bus tomorrow I wouldn't feel anything. He is, as they say, nothing to me. And I couldn't care less if he's gay, straight or Australian.

And so then to the 'The Sol Cambell Song' which I reproduce here, "Sol, Sol wherever you may be, not long now till lunacy, and we won't give a **** when you're hanging from a tree, you Judas **** with HIV".

Personally I go to games to cheer on our lot. I used to be bored by the 'Stand Up If You Hate Ar5ena1' chant. Now I'm embarrassed by it. When sung when we're not even playing them is an even more desperate reminder of how thin we are for songs. But anyway...

I don't sing the Sol song. It's a bloody angry bit of verse and as I said at the top of this, he's nothing to me now. But I don't sing it primarily because for all of it's venom, to me, the net result is to highlight a low in our Club's history. I'd rather get involved in something a bit more cheery, a little less grim of a Saturday afternoon.

Don't get me wrong. Barracking is good for the soul. Bellowing 'w*nker' repeatedly at one of their lot or the referee can be very theraputic. In fact, I'd recommed it.

The Sol Song. Is it racist? Based upon my own understanding of the Bible and it's tale of Judas combined with the fact that I wasn't raised in say, in the Deep South of the USA, to me it isn't. I'm not an apologist for this vicious bit of verse, just stating my personal opinion.

But we have had this hateful song doing the rounds now for what, seven years and what has it achieved? Well right now it has every bleeding heart in the media not to mention Hampshire Old Bill chasing our ambulance.

Brain Reade's sensationalist piece last week set the tone.

He was later joined by the ever outraged Peter 'F*ckwit' Tatchell in the Guardian.

Next on the scene was FA Chairman Lord Triesman.

Rio Ferdinand made an excellent statement in relation to the two bob fine Croatia got for the awful Heskey abuse. As a result of the 'renewed interest' in the Sol Campbell Song, Tottenham secured a mention in virtually all the coverage Rio got.   

It's time we moved on. Unless we lose this song, we are going to be mentioned in dispatches every time the race issue rears it's ugly head in football.

Let's play football and not into the hands of the politically correct.

 All together now... Ch ch ch ch changes..

The genie is out of the lamp. What greets you is not a Disney character with mutli coloured pantaloons but the grainy image of a changling. He's thin, he's white and he's positively duke like.

"You know the drill. Three wishes and if I might ask you not to dawdle - I've a screen test on the other side of the city in an hour." He sounds like Phil Cornwall.

So you can make three changes to THFC. You may wish to install a new manager. You may wish to wallpaper the walls. It's your call...

Three changes. 

Keep 'em punchy.

First Ben, a guy with his finger on the intermittent Tottenham pulse and now Tottenham Teddy from FTL has announced that our beloved Director Of Football will be (French) toast before Premiership fixtures are resumed.

Certainly the club is in no doubts about the mood of the supporters. Much more mediocrity on the pitch and they won't have to sell home seats to away fans to spark some good old fashioned civil disorder.

I've reached the point where I don't really care if we're given a blood sacrifice or not. I want to spank Stoke and move on from this mess.

While we wait to see if the Great Dame falls or is pushed, here's a caption competition type affair for you, as suggested by slugmanandrew last week.

"As a club we are very united - the board and the coaching staff, the players and the coaching staff, and the players and the board. We are in this together so we don't want to single out anyone." Damien Comolli.

The cynic in me read that and immeadiately thought of two words. Human & shield.

There's no prize.

Deal with it. 

This from Benny Blanco, a reliable and credible poster on Spurs Odious...

"I was staying in the same hotel as the Spurs team in Krakow and spoke to Comolli. He said that Huntelaar was never coming as he wanted to stay at Ajax and that Arshavin was not on for January as the Russians did not want to sell. He described the transfer window as 'hell'."

This is at best, spin. 

What I do know is that the initial price for Arshavin was €25 million. That was from the mouth of the Director of ZSP, so the idea that the Russians didn't want to vend is cobblers.

There were then numerous tales in the press since that price - describing the frustrations in the deal from both ZSP and Arshavin's agent.

But no remote hint that the player was off limits. Shame on you Damien.

Or is this your way of saying that the Russians didn't want to suffer the silly low offer and the painful negotiations from there on in you threw at them? If so, say so. You took a dogs age to bank the money from the sale of our best players and left us with a team that appears not to work very well.

You're the Director of Football. Increasingly there is a queue forming of good folk who like to read your forthcoming book, 'Would You Like To Know What The F*ck I Did Last Summer?'.

Quite probably goal of the season.

Do I really need to call for calm? You're better than that, surely? Binning Ramos is one answer but unfortunately one that would require the question to then be, 'how can we speed up our relegation mission?'

There are gripes to be made.  But what we are witnessing here are the continued aftereffects of the transfer window debacle. And these will not be magically cured by installing Terry Venables (even if he were to successfully make it past security) or any other footballing mastermind who just happens to be on the dole as we speak.

'Let's replace Levy with some one who would have stood up to old Whiskeyface and  let's spend ourselves out of this mess.'

Have you heard yourselves?

Berbatov and Keane bailed on us. Nobody sold them on a whim. If anyone was mugged it was THFC by the players. Do you think Levy wanted us in this mess? That he engineered it?

The problem that THFC failed to address was their replacements. What we are therefore left with is a midfield that is gifted but fundamentally lightweight. Oh yeah, and without anyone to reliably pass to.

Pavlyunchencko is a bit tired and Bent is a bit not good enough. The anger is understandable, but despite our abysmal showing I cannot give any weight to some of the nonsense that is being spouted at the minute.

Look around and the bulk of the teams that are 'just getting by' (a position we currently dream about)  have the benefit of being your actual functioning teams. Not comprised of world beaters, but fit players for the right positions who are experinced in playing in this league.

It's a damning indictment that there are voices calling for Jol. Those being damned by this are of course those who cannot see beyond the rage that they gave Levy £39 for replica shirt and he has seemingly just chucked it into the vaults on top off the Berbatov & Keane lolly. 

What's my suggestion? Resist the urge to cluck like a wet hen and exercise some common sense. As I said the other day I won't be shouting in Ramos we trust. We have sent him out repeatedly for a paper and only on a handful occasions has he returned with either the paper or the money.

If it's alright by you, I have mathematicians tell me when JR's time is up. Hull beat Ar5enal indoors last week and they're better than us so deal with it.

So what do you want? I'm afraid I don't do hugs. Nor do I support the lunatics who want an equally quick fix either on the pitch or in the boardroom. Many Spurs fans need to wake up and begin treating our actual problems opposed to just the symptoms.

Booing Woodgate at half time. Ooooh, you're so disgruntled. So hard.

Wake up.

Just like I am waking up to idea that Comolli needs introducing to a lampost and some piano wire.

Nessun maggior dolore
Che ricordarsi del tempo felice
Nella miseria.

There is no greater sorrow
Than to be mindful of the happy time
In misery.

You see the clip isn't entirely random. Shearsmith is a Hull boy. Having said that so was Norman Collier. But Wheel Tappers & Shunters is far too close to what we're producing on the pitch. Oh go on then, it's Saturday night and it's you... CLICKY.

The prospect of having the entire Dawson dynasty filling their coat pockets from the apres match buffet has some chatting amiably. But the out and out mediocre nature of our league results that this game is now about the bundle of nerves that Tottenham have become and if they can survive them.

For whatever reasons we failed to emerge from the debacle of the last transfer window with much dignity. And now you can forget any idle talk of the enemy within. The enemy is very much at the gates and our situation potentially so brittle that that Hull are as a good a genuine threat as anyone. Make no mistake.

Hull are ready and able. Their plan is to come here and not force a draw or nick it, but out play Spurs and win. Ask the mob at Woolwich if you think I'm too quick to stand on a chair, clutching my skirt and call 'mouse'.

King may even play a cameo part tomorrow. That's the word. Medical schmedical. Hutton we will miss more so than ever. Woodgate will need to marshall his remaining wards and be effective about it.

Dare I point out the obvious but we really do need to see some push and run tomorrow. I cannot ever recall having any class of conversation with a fellow fan where 'hoofing' was greeted with anything other than exasperation and eye rolling. Modric will need to play his part convincingly.

There are no cure for nerves. Not in the modern game. The trick of dropping a wee 'nip' in your tea before kick off doesn't really cut it these days, so we'll need to find our resolve from elsewhere. Maybe we can help.... CLICKY. Go on the Sugar!

So then, young Pavlyunchenko. Let's see some spirit son. And be it Bentley or be it Lennon, let's get some value out of those damn crosses.

Can we beat this lot?

Yes. Of course we can.

Will we?

See you ringside.

This comes from a couple of sources now and all I can do is pass on on good faith that which I believe to have worth. The second source is new to me - a poster of in excess 5000 comments on the Spurs forum GloryGlory who goes by the name of 'Solaar'.

The name in the frame then is  Mr. John Fredriksen.

In a nutshell, 114th on the Forbes List. Shipping magnate extraorinaire. Estimated net worth $8 Billion. 

To make an immeadiate football comparison of gelt girth for you, Roman Abrmaovich's etimated net worth is $23.5 Billion.  

Of course there are many issues here and non more pressing than  - does this genetic hybrid of Sir Patrick Moore, Jack Nicklaus with just a dash of Ron Atkinson billionaire - have any daughters?

Yes. Twins Catherine and Cecile, 24.

What can I tell you? It wasn't great viewing. The fact that Channel 5 had it should have been warning enough. The Poles were Primark - yet they didn't have to do much in order to rattle us. 

Yes, great that we scraped through. Well done everybody. Everton are out and we are still in. But once you transfer the quality of yesterday's performance into the prospective Premiership clashes against Hull and yes, even Stoke it's difficult to see us beating either of them.

I don't have much to offer in the way of explanation other than a number of players are having the worst form of their lives.

Gomes 9 Quite simply the best thing since sliced bread

King 5 Stannah Stairlift commercials await. 

Dawson 6 Game suited him. Came on bayonet fixed with his trousers tucked in. Did well. 

Woodgate 6 The look of despair on his face at times wasn't encouraging.

Bale 4 Why is he making everything look so difficult this season.?

Gunter 5 Mediocre. That's a fair appraisal.

Zokora 4 Another masterclass in running lots and pigeon scaring.

Jenas 4 Ran his socks off. Unfortunatley all he's doing is costing us a fortune in socks.

Lennon 4 Hopeless passes and too much falling over looking hard done by.

Modric 6 Looked threatening but not on the ball enough.

O'Hara 4 Non descript.

Huddlestone 4 Can't recall much more than him actually coming on.

Frazier 6.9 Don't understand why he came off looked lively.

Bent 6 God loves a tryer. God has Benty's picture on his bedside locker in a heart shaped frame.

Coutesy Of 101greatgoals.com here are some, ahem, highlights:

http://www.101greatgoals.com/videodisplay/1624476/

http://www.101greatgoals.com/videodisplay/1621627/

http://www.101greatgoals.com/videodisplay/1621718/

And here's the whole game:

http://rapidshare.com/files/150380079/UC.W....part1.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150382827/UC.W....part2.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150385720/UC.W....part3.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150388432/UC.W....part4.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150391202/UC.W....part5.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150393798/UC.W....part6.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150396304/UC.W....part7.rar.html

Frasier Campbell announced earlier today that he, 'believes total concentration on the job in hand is what it will take.'

And Hampshire Old Bill responded by saying that Sol Campbell's probe had been launched.

You couldn't make it up.

With only hope in our hearts and with what Bowie reffered to as 'just a beer light to guide us', so then, to the football.

Wisla Krakow will not unreasonably expect to win this. They left The Lane with a goal and will be reminding themselves that it was by one goal they dispatched Barcelona earlier on. They will also be aware that their support will be nothing shy of fierce on the night. This for them is every inch a home game.

Team selection?

To Jenas or not to Jenas I guess is one quandry. There aren't many others. King will play. Pav and Corluka are personae non grata or similar (I wanted to be a judge but I didn't have the Latin) and we sold half a dozen or so good ones to other clubs in the last window.

I'd play Bent and Campbell upfront from the off. Maybe tell Campbell to hold a little deeper unless he wants to break. Ooer. This business of them being too similar to pair is not only daft, but a luxury we can't afford to indulge right now.

This is football, not budgie breeding. just tell'em to go out there and  flamin' well score.

Spurs to go in at half time 0-1 down and win 1-2 is as good as 30/1 with Boylesports. Jamie O'Hara to score at anytime doesn't look too bleak at 5/1 with the same firm.

What do I want? A bit of daring do. This isn't a rehearsal. So lots of forward thinking and forward balls. On the ground. You know, like that smashing lot, what were they called? How they used to play. The Lilywhites.

Push and run. Not nudge a little bit, say excuse me a few times then go home again.