International weeks are as boring as a debate between John McCain and Barrack Obama. It makes you want to drink yer weight in Skullsplitter then go shooting pheasants wie a shotgun while shouting 'FREEDOM'. It also makes you wonder why an Ayrshire Authority would invest £15m in Icelandic Banks and how often The Mint will belt on about the minority.

Dead Rats And Letterboxes. 

News reaches us from the Barrhead News that Mike McCurry, the esteemed M.I.B, is planing to move from the toon. After years off, supposed, Novo type abuse- dead rats through letter boxes and smashed windows- he has put his 'plush' hoose up for sale. A Barrhead Insider, probably wee Aggie who was collecting her pension, said

“I heard last week that he is selling up because he is not popular with certain people in the town. I know that his windows have been smashed on a few occasions and he’s had quite a tough time over the years.”

..... So, he is not Simply The Best then. The inventor of the offside own goal surpassed himself this weekend when he awarded Hibs a penalty and sent off Celtic, Dundee Utd and Wolves reject Charlie Mulgrew in the process while missing that Steven Fletcher was at least 7 yards offside.

Still, wie stories aboot Novo, McGregor and now McCurry appearing this week it's hard not to smell a dead rat through a letterbox.

The Manager Has Been Great.

This has been the mantra coming from Celtic new bhoys this week. First up the impressive Marc Crosas has been talking about his conversion from a right-handed sided midfield player in a 4-3-3 to a defensive midfielder in a 4-4-2.....

"I am enjoying my role in front of the defence. At Barcelona we played 4-3-3 and I was on the right side of the central midfield area. With three central midfielders, one of the players has to be defensive all the time. With Celtic's 4-2 formation, two central players can take turns to make forward runs. So far, the manager has asked me to play in front of the defence mostly and that's good because I see the whole game ahead of me. I can take possession and make passes. I'm enjoying it. The manager has been great with me. He spoke to me about my performances. He has just said that he wants me to keep it up."

...he said while the rest of us were wondering why the manager once again buys a player and tries to change his style.

Next up was Glenn Loovens. The affable Dutchman did his best Sheve McLaren impression when he said..

"Mick and Gary are top players and it won't be easy to break up that partnership. But I've signed for four years at Celtic, that's a long time. The manager has been good with me, and I know what I have to do."

It's good that he say's that he is here for the long haul. His performance against Aberdeen was poor and then Mick McManus has decided to find a bit of form over the last 2 games. Also, Gary Caldwell can't be dropped as he is ghod.

Both say the managers, man-management has been good wie them. I suspect Chris Sutton, Alan Thompson, Bobo Balde, Charlie Mulgrew, David Marshall and Deek Riordon (Leithbawbagerus) would disagree.

Bertie Has A Book To Promote

Bertie Auld has a new book to promote, which means he has to come oot wie a soundbite. This is something Lisbon Lion legends seem guid at doing. Bertie and Tommy Gemmell seem to be the main rent a quotes blawhards when the auldtimers are asked to comment. Still it looks like Bertie agrees that we are oot the Big Cup....

"The UEFA Cup is more likely but the important thing is that Gordon Strachan and the players are still getting that experience of playing at a higher level, rather than just playing in the SPL. It's definitely not a consolation prize. The most important thing is learning and achieving something."

....which I agree wie. Playing UEFA Vase fitba' after Christmas is the least we require. We could have a decent wee run, draw dependant. But.....for the first time in eon's the UEFA Vase knockoot stages could be quite strong.

After agreeing wie Bertie he then goes and talks Boomsung.

"What we need now is entertainment, as well as winning trophies. We are just short of that a little bit. It's important that Gordon gets money to bring in an entertainer. We need that lift, someone who is going to change games, rather than just win games."

We need an entertainer in a team that contains Aiden McGeady, Shaun Maloney and Nakamura?

A Bhoy Called Bertie is oot now and I'm sure it might be worth a read or worth getting put on yer Santa list.

The World According to Peter McGuire Martin

I wouldnae usually gie Celtic Tv reject Peter the time of day. But he said something interesting today....

"In the next window, they should bid for James McArthur, Jamie McCarthy and Steven Fletcher. These three players are the best emerging talents in our game and may well go on to provide the spark the fans and Bertie crave. I have been told there's no way Celtic can throw millions of pounds at big-name players. Point taken. But with that in mind, take a leaf out of Jock Stein's book; sign the best young talent sitting right under your nose. I am led to believe wheels are already in motion."

....after watching James McCarthy on Saturday he didnae impress but the ROI coaches canny all be wrong. James McArthur I don't know much aboot and Steven Fletcher is IMO over-rated. But is this the road Celtic should be going doon? Would these guys entertain us like watching Robbie Williams exploding due to excess body fat would?

That's it over. Let's hope for a Scotland victory and Barty Crouch to score a goal for England.

Forza

I had to laugh this morning. Radio Tuecther announced that Kenny Miller was rumoured to be withdrawing from the Scotland squad, hence improving their chances of victory against Norway. No reason was given and I wondered if it was because he was just shite. Then I heard Iceland had went Bankrupt. I wondered what Kerry Katona and half of Easterhoose would now do for fish fingers.

It's depressing this credit crunch. Hunners of weans will be wieoot Crispy Pancakes and will get a visit from Jamie Oliver, which is a fate worse than being forced to eat a soiled nappy wieoot broon sauce. 

Barry Robson Oor New Left Back? Nae Chance 

....say's the man himself. Hurrah, say thousands off Celtic fans who have just recovered from the sight of Stephen Pearson play there a few seasons back. Robbo-Cop said..

“No, there's no new career unfolding for me, Lee injured his back and the manager just asked me to play in there."

...while hoping that the improving Lee Naylor's backache is not long term. Anyone who thinks Robson can do a joab for us at left back must also think Boris Johnson is a decent politician and not just an oaf.

He also said this aboot Georgios Samaras.....

"Big Samaras also scored again and he can be anything he wants to be when he gets going."

...can he be a hun-eating cyborg who morphs into a tractor, then a lorry and then a fire engine? Or can he be the new Henrick Larrsson as some, fuelled by alcohol, have been whispering in dark corners?

Around The World Wie Naka And Skippy.

Shunsuke Nakamura will travel 12,600 miles before he returns to Glesga next Friday. He will play 180 mins for Japan against UAE and Uzbekistan. The man from Japan states that...

"I expect to be available for Inverness. There is no reason why I should miss it. There is no reason for anyone to be concerned that I won’t be back for it. It is an honour to play for your country and an honour to play with Celtic."

...and this man lacks commitment?

That's nothing. Scott McDonald will travel a total of 21,000 miles for a wild wallaby shoot against Qatar next Wednesday. Plenty of time for Scott to munch family packs of M&M's until his heart is content.

Fight, Fight, Fight, Fight.

When the first nail was put in The Huns coffin last March when Jan Vennegoor scored in the 194th minute for us to claim a famous 2-1 victory. At the final whistle of that game, Nacho Novo, was so disraught at his latest death threat, that he tried banjo Aiden McGeady cause he blamed that wee republican for his trouble. Handbags ensued, which ended up wie Gary Caldwell and David Weir both getting red cards due to them enjoying some throat grabbing sexual gratification in a public place.

On Saturday both will line up together for Scotland in their meek defeat to Norway. David Weir (Auldfaithertimerus) mentions that him and Caldwell huvnae spoke since that night....

"I haven't actually spoken with Gary since the spot of trouble at the end of that O*d Fi*m game. I'm told he joked that we'd now have the chance to finish off the fight (sic),I'm sure we will and do that by shaking hands. I think both of us would agree our actions that night weren't the finest moments of our careers."

....no Gary Caldwells finest moment came a few weeks later at Tannadice. But...while we don't condone hitting OAP's I'm sure none of Timdom will be bothered if Caldwell knocks auldfaithertimerus into next week, then tells him Nacho is next.

The Paddy McCourt Benefit Game.

Celtic travelled to the Brandywell to play Derry City last night. It was agreed to play this as part of the deal to bring Paddy McCourt to Celtic. It was also a chance for Paddy McCourt to get a game in a Celtic jersey. The Celtic team was M Brown, Caddis, Conroy, O’Dea, Loovens, Donati, Crosas, Mizuno, McCourt, McGowan and Hutchinson.

Celtic won 1-0 wie another Ben Hutchinson goal and rumours are Massimo Donati ended up playing centre half. 

The Gospel According To Kevin Thomson.

This week oor Mr Thomson, the lesser of the Hibee two and the one wieoot a league winners medal, speaks aboot the tackle that put him oot of Scotland's defeat against Norway....

"He's turned his back and gone in with a straight leg and with his studs showing. It looks as if he knew fine well what he was doing and that's what disappoints me most of all. The injury meant I couldn't play on in a match which we were desperate to win and now it's forced me out of the reckoning for another international cap. He didn't apologise to me after the game so maybe he thinks it was a fair tackle. But having looked at it a few times I think it was poor from a fellow professional."

....this is the same Mr Thomson who last season tried to cheat his way to a penalty and attempted to get a fellow professional sent off in the process. He then came out and lambasted a fellow professional who called him a cheat in the aftermath. Sewer Rats have mair morals than Mr Thomson. In fact Mr Thomson deserves to be tied to a chair, naked on a beach, wie half a fish supper on his heid and we can all watch as seagulls peck his eyes oot.

Cheap Shellsuits For Sale.

The credit crunch has hit the sales of cheap sportswear badly. The BBC reports that the JJB share price has fallen 25% and that insurers will no longer ensure creditors get paid. It also reports...

"It comes a week after JJB reported a £9.7m six-month loss, with its auditors casting "significant doubt" on its ability to continue as a going concern."

...good job no-one sold their merchindise rights to this company or they would be in deep shit. Rumours that David Murray has called George W Bush to promise John McCain the 'Proddie' ex-pat vote if R*ngers are included in the proposed $700 billion bail oot are unconfirmed.

Right, Hail Hails open and I'm off to study the anytime goalscorers for the weekend internationals, eat fish fingers and crispy pancakes.

Forza

Happy Monday to all. Even Huns.

After Motherwell were defeated by Nancy last week it brought up the situation that Scotland could be in their worst position in the European standings for 14 years. The automatic Big Cup place for the league champions, which is us, is in danger due to years of watching Dunfermline, Dundee, Queen Of The South and The Huns get beat of fishermen and waiters in the early rounds of The Big Cup and The UEFA Vase.

This has caused a debate on what the Scottish teams, and the SFA, are doing wrong. Well, allowing Dundee, Dunfermline, Queen of the South and The Huns to qualify in the first place is a problem and maybe teaching youths to keep the ba' for longer than 5 seconds before hoofing it goalwards would be a start but the idea of a 16 team league has been muted again.

I was in favour of this. Livingston and Dundee are no worse than Hamilton or St Mirren. Play each other twice and play the Diddy Cup ties on Saturday's. But..after seeing the apathy, empty seats and lack of quality in the recent visits to CP of Livingston and Hamilton I'm no longer to sure.

Still the chance to watch The Huns getting beat of teams of that ilk is maybe too guid to miss on a regular basis.

3pts and nae fuss.

Celtic beat Hamilton on Saturday, 4-0, wie goals from Nakamura, Samaras, McDonald and McGeady. Goals are here and thanks to 101 Great Goals for the vid. Jan Vennegoor was taken off after injuring himself within 25 seconds, which is even a record for him when he tore his tight muscle, which is moonlighting as his abductor muscle. He could be out for a few weeks.

The game was played like a training game wieoot bibs and cones being involved. Celtic went through the motions, wie the quest to walk the ba' into the back of the net the only interest to the Celtic players, and while some will praise relegation haunted Hamilton for not changing their 4-3-3 formation, it meant that the game passed them by and Celtic didnae need to get oot of 2nd gear.

The highlight of the day was the double penalty save from the Holy Goalie. That passage of play accounted for 2 of the 3 shots Hamilton had on target. Add to their 2 shots off target and 42% possession this was the maist simple 3 points we will get all season.

Celtic, had 58% possession, 11 shots on target and 5 shots off target. Georgios Samaras, Scotland's topscorer, scored his 10th goal of the season, Scott McDonald scored his 3rd, Aiden McGeady his 1st and Nakamura scored his 2nd and created his 3rd goal of this season.

Nakamura has come in for a fair bit of stick recently. His wanting to return home coupled wie a few so-so performaces has meant that some are calling for him to be dropped as he is lacking commitment and his heid is elsewhere.

Load of Boomsung. Anyone questioning Nakamura's commitment should remember that this is the player that spent hours in the gym to ensure he was up for the finer points of the Scottish game. This is a player that has scored many important goals and mair importantly had a hand in many other goals for us in the 3 seasons he has been here.

He is the maist natural talent we have at CP. One that if fit should be the first name on the teamsheet. So he has had a dodgy performace here and there but I think those that are calling for him to get tae are so far off the mark they would as well being on Mars spouting their pish.

The Manager Says..

Not too much off interest really. 

“It was wet and windy and we knew our attitude had to be right. But we played with energy. Aiden worked hard and played well. Nakamura played well and Marc Crosas was fantastic. Barry Robson could have been man of the match while Artur Boruc played his part in the win. They all played well.”

He is having a laugh wie the Barry Robson MOTM comment, as anyone that thinks Robson is a left back probably thinks Newcastle are a well run club. Still Crosas did deserve a mention in dispatches and also McGeady as he won LoTW money.

No-one said why Billy Reid had to speak to the press but he did. 

“Credit to Celtic but I don’t feel we did ourselves justice. “I’ve four or five players sitting gutted in our dressing room because they know they can play better than that.

The game was that boring even the beaten teams manager didnae come oot wie any pish.

"Forget Six Pack, Here is a XXXX Pack"

Sure you can come up wie a better caption than I have. No prize, anyone want to donate one?, just a bit of fun in this International week.

How Do You Sleep......

.....Nacho Novo. He gave an interview to the free Galicia Weekly Newspaper that gets delievered to 3 men and a goat in his hometown where he has been disowned for being the only Hun in the village. The player, who again has been overlooked by Spain, tells tales that would make John Smeaton blush wie the mistruths that are being told.

Surely if his car and property gets attacked everytime he plays against Celtic, The Huns PR department would have this all over the Redtops quicker than Novo steals his best mates burd?

This is just another case of a wannabe uber Hun peddling to the lowest element that pollutes the Hun support. He has also confirmed his place in the Huns Hall Of Shame. I'm sure Celtic fans up and down the country are glad that Nacho disnny feel the need to win trophies wie Celtic.

Gory Tales.

In this boring International week, it is maybe a good time to catch up wie some reading. I know I have a few copies of Razzle to catch up on. But.....I heard a good interview wie John Gorman on Talksport last Friday. Spoke very well about the Quality Street Gang and his disappointment at leaving his bhoyhood team.

Might be worth a read. Then again it might not. It's available here to buy. Or like me just wait until someone else buys it and then borrow it.

Forza

With Man Utd and Villarreal disappearing of into the sunset, to the knockoot stages of the Big Cup, leaving Celtic and Aalborg to have a bun fight for the UEFA Vase place, Celtic's travel sickness reached plague proportions. The reaction of the Celtic support to the expected defeat has been one of non-plussedness. It was an expected defeat, Villarreal are a decent side and it's no disgrace to loss there and we played ok. There was no gross over-reaction.

Have we given up hope of EVER winning away from home in the Big Cup or have we just accepted oor place in the European middle order?

XXXX, Tennents and South American Wine

Scott McDonald when he is not sitting on the bench, bemoaning that he was last seasons Georgios Samaras, is usually found drinking XXXX and having a fag wie his pal Alf, who works in a pub in Edinburgh, like most Aussies. He must have been drinking XXXX before he gave this interview. He says..

 "But there was a lot of encouragement to take from the game, that's probably the most we've created in an away game since I've been here.”

...forgetting the 27 shots Villarreal had on goal but, I think, or I hope he was only comparing them to Milan and Donestk from last season.

He then confirms that he has been on the drink...

“We are bottom of the table with Aalborg, due to drawing with them at home. That's not good but there are still another four games remaining which is a long way to go and it's certainly not over."

...by forgetting oor poor away record and the fact that we have Man Utd in a double heider coming up.

Mick McManus when not captaining Celtic, Scotland or making Gary Caldwell look like a player, is usually found drinking Tennents in Bamboo. He also must have been drinking when he tried to make us believe that we would go and get a result at Old Trafford.

 "We have taken just one point from our first two games but we will go to Old Trafford looking for a result."

But...it is nice to see the players have taken a bit of confidence from the defeat. It's also nice to see them do their bit to boost the flagging Big Cup ticket packages sales by saying we are still in it.

Manuel Pellegrini when not managing teams to 2nd place in La Liga, is usually drinking a fine South American red in his Costa Blanca Villa overlooking Benidorms biggest waterpark. He was also as pished as a Spanish tramp when he said this...

“I thought it was very strange that Celtic played so defensively. They made it easier for us because they chose not to attack."

...he is talking about the same Celtic team that played a 4-2-3-1 formation that contained Nakamura, Aiden McGeady, Shaun Maloney and Georgios Samaras?

Dundee, Hamilton..... 

Hamilton roll into the unfortress like CP on Saturday. It's the first time the teams have met since a 1-0 Diddy Cup victory for Celtic in August 1990. The last time Hamilton were in the SPL, 1988/89, it was the auld Premier League and pre-Lex Gold, and we gave them some gubbings. There is a 7-2 and 8-0. Plus the expected 2-0 defeat to them that the 1989 team were guid at doing. 

They have an impressive 9 points for a team tipped, by me, to be relegated by Santa time but have lost their last 2 league games against Hibs and then Falkirk. Inbetween those defeats they beat Motherwell 2-1 in the Diddy Cup but everyone is beating Motherwell.

They seem to be an attacking side and have a possible 'Futureplayerism' wie James McCarthy whose big move to us or Liverpool did not quite come off. He is a whooping 17-2 to score at anytime during the game.

Celtic will be looking not to suffer a post-Big Cup hangover. Changes will be made. Gary Caldwell will come back in for Glenn Loovens and we may see starts for Jan Vennegor and Marc Crosas. Wie Shaun Maloney and Nakamura not looking their usual selves, they may be 'rested'.

For me Aiden McGeady to score at anytime and a repeat of the 4-0 scoreline that we got against Livingston would make it a happy weekend.

Pishing In A Fish Tank

We haven't had a Hail Hail of the week for a while. Still there is no prize for this apart from the kudos you will get doon the pub when you tell yer mates. So there was a clear winner this week. It came when Mark Viduka lookalike 'Seven' said...

"only criticisms i'd have of strachan would be starting maloney, naka and aiden was too attacking."

..there you have it. A Celtic Fan bemoaning us being attacking. He should go for a beer wie Mr Pellegrini.

Oh The Irony 

I found it quite bemusing that Spurs fans have been reported for alledged 'racist' and 'homophobic' chanting. For a club that is the butt of racist abuse, due to their heritage it seems a bit off. If true.

Also, are The Huns also going to add the 2008 UEFA Vase to the 1992 Big Cup that they have won by default?

So that's it. I'm off to bemoan the fact that in 'Heroes' the character, the cheerleader, disnny wear the cheerleader uniform anymair, which is a shame.

Forza

It's going to be one of those "I remember where I was moments". It will be up a Lisbon moment for my generation. So, I hope I don't die before I get auld as when the 'moment' happens I will be prone to weeing maself and forgetting ma name.

Celtic, as predicted, continued their speedy exit from the Big Cup wie a 1-0 defeat against Villarreal in the fortress that is the lego inspired El Madrigal. The highlights are here (thanks to 101 Great Goals) and you will see that we had 3 decent chances, wie Georgios Samaras missing the best one just before HT and in the 2nd period we were under the cosh, saved by Artur Boruc, as Villarreal upped the tempo and destroyed us down the right flank.

Marcos Senna scored the winner from softly awarded free kick. The Villarreal player went down very easily, as they did all night, remember they spoke up how phsyical we would be?, but the truth of the matter is, no matter how much space Artur Boruc gave Senna to aim at, just the same as he gave Celtic, Dundee Utd and Wolves reject Charlie Mulgrew to aim at on Saturday, Villarreal would have scored in that period of domination.

In the second period we just could not handle Senna and Santi Cazorla, no matter how often Scott Brown clattered and closed them doon. We struggled and now that away win seems so far off that we should ask Gordon Brown to bail out this auld failing institution. 1 point out of 48 in CL away games. 1 draw in 18 games. 37 goals lost in those games. We have not scored away from home in a CL group game since Copenhagan. Under oor current incumbent Villarreal can be added to Bratislava, Manchester, Lisbon (twice), Milan (twice), Cophenhagan, Barca, Moscow and Donestk as places we have failed to win.

Not that oor manager didn't try. The first impression that he was commiting the biggest career suicide since Oasis released 'Be Here Now' wie a 4-2-3-1 formation, which included Aiden McGeady, Shaun Maloney and Nakamura. It was an attacking formation one that as was less anti-fitba' and more Kamakazi fitba'. 

The fact that it worked for 55mins against a quality team is as bemusing as Radiohead releasing that album of Thom Yorke farting for 55mins and getting praised for it. Still, no matter how well we played that stats will still show a defeat and that Villarreal had 27 shots at goal and 63% possession.

But...oor manager has taken positives oot of it. And so he should. Anyone today that gie's the manager a shread of abuse has took their Anti-Strachanism to new heights or a new low. The manager said... "I asked the lads for a performance - forget about the results - and the performance for the first 55 minutes said, 'Yes, you belong at this level'."....now all Timdom hope that we can get it nearer 90mins and that he takes this 4-2-3-1 formation into domestic games.

Over on the chip on the shoulder camp, Gary Caldwell moans about the cheating barstewards and the soft freekick award. He also makes the point, that was made in the Hail Hail's last night, when he says....“They are very clever, they go down very easily at times and it’s something that we have to learn. “We have to do it in their half, to get those free-kicks to give us breathing space.”....yes, we should becoming cheating barstewards and play them at their own game. I also want us to highlight the diving before games just like Villarreal did by saying we were going to be physical.

Also, word has reached LoTW, via a person close to him, via a man at the end of a bar, via a chance bumping into the said man in the bookies, that Gary Caldwell does not expect to be a Celtic next season. No further details but the story is he does not expect a new contract to be forthcoming.

Lots to talk aboot. We are in the UEFA Vase place in the group. A double heider wie Man Utd coming up and the likely outcome that we will need to go to Denmark and win to ensure European Fitba' after the bloke in the big red suit has been.

So, leave a Hail Hail, even ones about pishing in fish tanks are allowed and you don't need to be logged in to do it.

Forza

A good week to you all. A week that begins wie us having a typical Celticesq last minute victory against Aberdeen and we will probably see a typical Celticesq Big Cup away performance in the El Madrigal, which should confirm oor interest in the Big Cup ending.

Still, the decent and the brilliant couldn't last as Celtic turned in a so-so performance meaning a game that should have been over by half time was not won until the last minute and even then 2 points could have still been dropped if Darren Mackie had scored for Aberdeen in injury time when he was through one on one wie Artur Boruc. But he missed. Hurraaaah.

I haven't seen footage of the Fake Tanned Orange Tinged Turnip reaction at this miss but I'm sure somewhere in Celticcybertimdom this footage will be kicking around. Football always has characters that you wish to see suffer. Yesterday, watching Sally McCunist on the touchline wie his shorts on looking like a buffon you just wanted to punch him. On Saturday the G.I.R.U.Y factor was tenfold due to the last minute winner and the fact that the Fake Tanned Orange Tinged Turnip was on the touchline to see this.

Celtic took the lead when Jan Vennegoor scored (here) the opener, an untidy goal that should have been cleared but then, Celtic, Dundee Utd and Wolves reject Charlie Mulgrew proved that you should always beware returning playerism wie 2 goals to put Aberdeen 2-1 up.

In a weekend that Defoe scored against Spurs and Kenny Misser scored against Hibs- 4 goals in under a month must be a record for the money-grabbing wee shit- and he has also scored against us, the thought that if you have a spare half shilling then backing ex-playerism could win you money.

LoTW reckons that Derek Riordan will score against us when Hibs visit CP in a few weeks, Scott Brown will probably score in that game as well, Berbatov will open his Man Utd account when they play Spurs, ditto wie Robbie Keane for Liverpool and what's the chances of Peter Crouch scoring against Liverpool. So if you want to lose money, yer home, yer wife and weans that ex-playerism is worth a punt.

Back to the game. Aiden McGeady and Scott McDonald had been brought on and both pulled us out of the mire. Scott McDonald scored wie a back post heider (here) after an Aiden McGeady cross and Jan Vennegoor kept his record of scoring in the last minute against Aberdeen going when he scored the winner (here) after a great ball from Aiden.

3 points and a victory. Fair play to the manager. He changed the formation to a 4-3-3 when needed, one of the major griped of the anti-Strachanites is he won't change his 4-4-2, and he used his subs well. Still, he was unusally blunt wie his post match comments. He said....

“We didn’t defend well enough but right after the match is not the time to speak to players about that. It’s best to wait a day or two because the dressing room can be a difficult place right after the final whistle. "

.....yes, school boy defending was the cause of this humdinger of a finish. Those who were shouting for Glenn Loovens to get a run will look at his 3-legged elephant who had been shot in the arse wie a big feck off dart type performance and should maybe see the ghost of Rafael Scheidt coming into view. Hopefully the bigman will learn from this welcome to the SPL beasting from Lee Miller but how we missed Gary Caldwell. 

Onto the Big Cup. Villarreal away. A club that doesn't get beat at home in UEFA competition. Celtic have not scored away from home in 4 games and in that spell I don't think we have had a shot on target never mind threatening to get a result. On top of oor terrible Champs League away record we have suffered 8 defeats out of 11 games when we have played in Spain, the other 3 being draws.

Still confident?

Still at least the Villarreal players have showed they are game for a laugh. Man Utd reject, Giuseppe Rossi- who will score for Villarreal against Man Utd- says that Celtic are a team to be feared as Massimo Donati doesn't get a game for us. Joking aside, the article mentions we will play a physical game, I suppose the Scottish style is more physical and that oor away record is poor but that shouldn't come into it.

Mark Wilson talks about the pre-season game in Porto when we stole a 1-0 victory. If the game is like that one then we will be behind the couch for long spells. Wilson will start wie Andy Hinkel injured and will have to be at the top of his game as the nightmare Big Joos had in Porto a few years back is the blueprint for a fullback how not to play the game.

I'm sure the manager will talk some sense in this afternoons press conference. His decisions will centre on his formation and who plays in the middle of the park. Will Barry Robson be fit enough to play, will Paul Hartley come in to sit deep, is Jan Vennegoor the man to play the lone frontman role wie Shaun and Sammy supporting from the flanks or will Aiden get the nod wie Sammy being the lone frontman?

Lots to think about.

So, a happy Monday to all LoTWites. We may have a sore Tuesday night and a moody Wednesday blog.

Forza

Welcome to the weekend LoTW, a weekend that hopefully we feast on 3 points and The Huns drop points at Easter Road after their extra time win in the Diddy Cup game between the 2nd and 3rd best teams in Glesga.

A few things came out of that game. One, why was Pedro 'Ladyman' Mendes not booked for leaving the field of play after his winner, why he isn't booked for being an ugly fleshpig I will never know, and will the we are not sectarian, tartan armylite, socialist leftie Doc Martin wearing students that support the 2nd best team in Glesga, be hammered for singing what they would like to do the Pope, which all Eastern European transvestites, Sasa Papac may apply here, would love to do to Pedro Mendes.

The draw for the Diddy Cup has been made and we travel to Kilmarnock again much to dwarf munching Billy Brown's dismay and the dismay of the Celtic fans. In between describing Jim Jeffries reaction to the draw he thought he would bring up that he thinks Mick McManus "might have battered David Fernandez" if he had dived for a pen.

These two are really the Wallace and Gromit of the SPL. Naw, Wallace and Gromit are loveable these two aren't.

Over on the good side, oor faltering captain has been talking about the groundbreaking rotation policy that oor manager has adapted. He waxes on aboot lots of games to be played and points out that Man Utd and Chelsea leave out players and don't get slaughtered for it. True, the big EPL clubs do chop and change. Liverpool, never have the same team from one week to the next, not that their boring and functional performances improve or suffer due to this policy.

Celtic, should have a good enough squad to make changes for certain games and still win the vast majority of them. Some players are better suited for certain games but as long as you have a solid backbone then little tweaks here and there should not matter. Saint Martins of O'Neills team had this backbone does Team 4?

The other night against Livingston we made 7 changes and oor performance level did not drop from the Kilmarnock game.But.....in the games against The Huns and Aalborg BK, oor 2 biggest games of the season so far, show that we have weaknesses.

Talking about backbone, you need a buzzbomb goal scoring midfielder and we haven't had one since Stan Petrov. Scott Brown was meant to be that player but we get Scott Brown laughing that he has just scored his first goal since December while forgetting the £4m we spent on him to be a buzzbomb goalscoring midfielder.

Scott Brown has been a bit of an enigma since he joined. He has been compared to the heidless one that was Tommy Gravesen. There have been understandable circumstances but are we beginning to see why we bought him? I reckon since Alalborg BK, when he had a decent 2nd half, he has been superb. Still 10 goals from him is not a lot to ask is it?

Aberdeen bring themselves to CP this weekend. After 3 defeats the pressure is on Jimmy Calderwood, the fake tanned, orange tinged turnip that he is. This game, if played on paper and not a 100 yards of green would be an easy victory. Celtic, at training this week, would have been watching the DVD's of Aberdeen like a big feck off brid of prey watches a 3 legged lamb in a field while thinking easy meat.

But.....The Sheep won on their last visit to CP in a park the bus type performance. They are as usually as dangerous as a blind, toothless ferret and have lost 14 goals and only scored 2 on their last 7 visits to CP. I would expect the bus to be parked again today but oor manager say's that they may attack.

I think the manager also sums up how the Celtic fans are feeling at the moment, he says.....

This has been a good spell. At the time, as a manager, you can look and say we’re winning, and that’s satisfying but the way we’re playing is immensely satisfying. I think everybody is enjoying it at the moment.”

Hopefully the memory of The Fake Tanned Orange Tinged Turnip celebrating the last time he visited CP will spur us on to a comfortable victory.

Forza

Midweek LoTW, goals, crap rumours, madness and bawbaggery. Let's start wie the bawbaggery.

Jim Jeffries, bawbag and greeting faced, has decided that Celtic players need to live wie getting slapped after winning penalties. He also moans that wee teams are treated differently while polishing the wee team chip on his shoulder.

No mention that it's a sending off if any player strikes another player, like the Kilmarnock player did, and no mention of, what oor manager was trying to highlight, that Setanta have not mentioned the incident and you can bet yer bottom dollar that the next time a Celtic player banjo's someone the biggest Kangaroo Court since Skippy (the kangaroo not the player) was done for koala porn on his laptop will be called. Nasty business.

Let's not let auld fannybaws get us down. Celtic marched into the quarter finals of the Diddy Cup last night wie a 4-0 victory against Livingston. Goals from Glenn Loovens, Scott Brown  and another double from Georgios Samaras. The goals are here, here, here and here.

The manager decided to make changes wie rotation being the new buzzword at CP. Make no mistake, the proof that we now probably have the best squad options, attacking and midfield wise anyway, at CP under GS and we really do have 'quality' to come on from the bench to change the games or to rotate when needed. Whether he makes the right decisions is another question.

For the game last night the manager made 7 changes from the team that won at Kilmarnock. In came Aiden McGeady, Glenn Loovens, Paul Hartley, Paul Caddis, Scott McDonald, Massimo Donati and Andy Hinkel who still didn't impress.

These changes could have disrupted the team but it didn't. The new found pace in the final third that team 4 has developed was too much for Livingston, just as it has been for Motherwell and Kilmarnock, wie Samaras, Scotland's top goalscorer, McGeady, McDonald, Donati in the first 65mins and then Scott Brown having a field day wie the movement and pace in this area.

Aiden McGeady can be pleased wie his nights work. He was as rampant as a rabbit on viagra and one 70 yard run in the 2nd period, which ended up wie him hitting the post would have surpassed Sammy's goal on Sunday. Samaras, again, is looking like a player and at 22 I'm sure the board are sniffing a sell on value. Scott McDoanld should have scored a few but looks to be a bit crusty round the mince pie mid-drift. Shaun Maloney came on and won the same penalty that he has won in the last 2 games. The M.I.B's must be questioning this as that's 3 games in a row we have been awarded a chance to miss from 12 yards.

So all in the manager was pleased. He was pleased wie Scotland's top goalscorer- who must be a stick on for the Player Of The Month award- and praised Aiden while hiding his dislike for him. So things are looking good but why does the urge comeover LoTW to bottle these moments of contentment and smugness to sniff at a later date when it all goes pear-shaped?

Things don't look to good for Livingston. After having a mad Irishman in charge who nearly run them to rack and ruin they now have a mad Italian called Angelo Massone in charge who states that Celtic have the budget to win the Big Cup. Wie this grasp of reality I'm sure the banks are waiting eagerly for the 'For Sale' sign to appear once again at Livingston but Massone probably thinks Livingston could win the UEFA Vase wie a budget that affords him, the delights of loaning out Rocco Quinn from us.

In another example of the world going mad, the usually spot on Channel 4 Football Italia website has run a story written in never, neverland that Hernan Crespo is considering a switch to Celtic after being given the cold shoulder from the not so special one for the 2nd time in his career. We are nowhere near the transfer window opening and all ready the 'Bullshitometer' has had an outing. It's as red as Jim Jeffries greeting face, which means never will happen.

Can you really see Hernan taking a £100,000 per week wage cut to be a sub? Is this another Sharp Suited Man 'Moonbeam' to be filed under Pavyulchenko, Razen Rat and Darren Bent.  

One that hasn't got the 'bullshitometer' turning as red is this rumour regarding Dominic Cervi an American keeper who based himself on Sly Stallone in the famous fitba film "Escape To Victory" a game, which much like The Huns ECWC Final in 1972 never got finished due to a pitch invasion.

Anyway, oor man in the USA, Rudyflyer, has posted a scary picture and some background on this 'Soccer Jock'. One things for sure...he is uglier than Mark Brown!!!! What this means for Mark Brown remains to be answered.

But enough of rumours and ugly goalies. The Celtic 2nd XI beat The Thugish Reserve Huns 3-1 yesterday despite an increase in reported assults in the Airdrie area yesterday afternoon. Celtic had one player carried off after 1 minute and Joe Doumbe decided that he had, had enough after 44 minutes. Sounds like Koki Mizuno, Ben Hutchinson and Paddy McCourt came in for some hefty treatment, which proves that thugishness is inbreed when it comes to Huns.

Nice to hear, that skill won over brawn.

That's it. Midweek LoTW is over. It was free and no I won't post Nacho Ratboy's address and phone number but thanks for the e-mithers and the texts anyway. So, Friday will see a preview of the visit of The Sheep and hopefully a chance to laugh at Tango and Sash.

Forza. 

So, here is to the Monday edition to LoTW. Cheers, to all who read this for longer than the average 17 seconds, before pressing the back button, which returns them to something more interesting. Maybe we should try writing something interesting before the 17 seconds is up.....

Anyway, it's always a happy Monday when we go to Kilmarnock and win. We have not been beaten there since May 2001 and seeing Jim Jeffries and Billy Browns greeting faces as they watch their team fail to beat and compete wie The Hoops makes the fact they Kilmarnock never lgot relegated last season all worthwhile.

Celtic, got over their Big Cup exit, wie a 3-1 victory wie goals from Shaun Maloney and Georgios Samaras, who got his 2nd awayday double in a week, and the game saw 3 pens awarded, a sending off and a goal of the season contender.

Big Sammy, Scotlands top goalscorer, produced another MOTM display and showed Man Citeeh what they are missing. In the past few weeks Sammy has shown the folly of them selling him and buying some Brazilian from Real Madrid. Serves them right for becoming the richest club in the world.

Celtic, continued their impressive away form, which is stark contrast to oor functional, pragmatic and poor home displays but still no Celtic game is complete wieoot a missed penalty and a bit of scandal.

Shaun Maloney decided that he would try and hit someone in the stand, who was threatening to sing a 'banned' song, wie his effort from 12 yards. So, when we were awarded a dubious 2nd pen- oor manager says it was a pen and highlights the scud Shunsuke Nakamura received in the aftermath but Alan Coombe say's Nakamura dived and I really think we should believe him as he says there was 5000 Kilmarnock fans there, so he tells the truth- Sammy did the honours wie a not to clever dispatch into the net.

That's not the whole story though. Aiden McGeady, who was benched again, had placed the ball on the spot only to be told that Sammy was to take the kick. In a week where rumours were rife that oor manager and Aiden had fallen out then there is maybe more getting read into this than there was actually behind it. Was Stephen McManus acting on his managers orders or did he just think Sammy had a better chance to score it?

Anyway, Aiden and oor manager have denied that there is a problem but oor managers actions do seem to suggest something different. If that is the case then how long Scotland's Player and Young Player of The Year will be happy at playing 2nd fiddle to the winner of Aston Villa's biggest arse award 2007/2008 remains to be seen.

So....the tinkerman tinkered and promises to tinker as often as a 14 year old wie a copy of Razzle. He brought back in Marc Crosas, Jan Vennegor and Mark Wilson. Out went Barry Robson, injured, Andy Hinkel, who was paying the price for being uninteresting and and Scott McDonald who was paying the price for pies.

All in the changes worked wie all performing well and the only blot on the performance was the loss of the goal and Gary Caldwell getting sent of for an act of stupidity when 3-0 up, 2 mins left and him in the best form of his career. Suspension will give Glenn Loovens his chance against Livingston and Aberdeen this week.

The manager was pleased but said that.....“I thought he [Samaras] was terrific, if lackadaisical at times, like we were as a team. We really need to get our passing spot on and we’ll be a very good team.”....which is a fair shout as the other night proved when we are poor, we are poor and in the games against Motherwell, Kilmarnock and Aalborg BK we have seen somethings that need sorted.

The managers only constants in this spell have been the performances of Caldwell, Sammy and Maloney. We may have found a player in Marc Crosas but his tinkering is bound to be the source of some amusment in up-coming blogs.

So, there was a press conference today regarding tomorrows Diddy Cup game at home to in-form Livingston. Nothing eye-catching came out the press-conference as our manager didn't announce that he was going to play a load of fringe players and youngsters, which he should take the opperchancity to do. The squad was annouced and it was indicated that changes will be made.

Loovens will start and maybe Skippy and Aiden will get 90mins under their belts. Paul Caddis may come in for some needed game time and could Darren O'Dea get a runout? I'm sure the other 14,999 that bother to turn up wie me will be excited at the thought of this. I wonder if we will see Massimo?

Anyway, I'm reminded of nights when we we beat high flying Falkirk 8-1 and beat low flying Partick on pens. Under GS, in the Diddy Cup, we have suffered poor defeats at home to Falkirk and Hearts. Livingston have never beaten Celtic. First ever meeting ended in a 0-0 draw then they have had 17 defeats. Tomorrow night maybe their best chance of changing this record.

They are 17 to 1 wie some bookies could be worth a punt if yer skint and the malaise that we have suffered at home in the Diddy Cup continues.

That's it. Hail Hails are open for the inane pish that gets posted. Lets hope we are celebrating a victory tomorrow night.

Oh Aah Samaras.

Forza